Are we in a gay sports bar?
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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