I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
