your thong is hanging out like whoa
You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
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