The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
