Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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