That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
