yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
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