Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
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