Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
