I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
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Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
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I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize