He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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