We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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