Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
