the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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