If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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