does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
FUCK WHALES
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize