her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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