Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
