so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
