My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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