Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
