you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I have aggressive nipples.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
