He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
