I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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