Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
