i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Randomize
