eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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