She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
