i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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