im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
COCAINE IS GR8
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
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