she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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