I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
