Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
