Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
