I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
