had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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