So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
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