was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
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