Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
