mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
