she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
You're like the curious george of whores
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
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