Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
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You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize