Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
smell my finger.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
