They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
