I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
