I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
