My pussy is not your playground.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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