She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Randomize
