I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
