who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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