I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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