why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
