Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
My balls are so social today.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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