At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
