Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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