I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize