I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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