You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
