He disabled his match.com account in front of me
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Randomize
