I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Please, let me fuck your mom
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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