Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Randomize
