sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
