He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
