Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
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