we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
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You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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