i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
