I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
