i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
