I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
