do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
